1.21.2009

breaking up

A year ago, in the midst of 9th month heartburn, I spent late nights scouring the Internet, surfing the time away while my baby worked on her cardio kicks inside my womb. Night after sleep deprived night (my theory: nature's way of preparing a mother for the sleep loss that comes along with a newborn), in these late hours, I discovered blogs.
We hadn't had the Internet in our home for a few years in order to save the budget. People actually put their lives out there for the whole world to see?
Day after day, home with my children, I was in need of adult camaraderie and it was only a few clicks away in this new cyber world.
Then, the baby came and feedings ensued. Oh, the feedings! With a glowing screen beside me, I nursed the nights away with my daughter tucked in the crook of my arm.
At first, it was a big extended home town reunion on my computer screen. So and so had so many kids, lived in a big house, still was in school, started a business, traveled the world, took the cutest pictures of their kids in their beautiful and spotless homes.
Soon though, I noticed myself comparing my dirty kitchen to the beautiful, spotless countertops in backgrounds of pictures. The family blog I started could only have the 1 out of 1000 pictures that I felt worthy to be posted for the world.
How was it that I felt fully confident to go to the grocery store sans make-up, with ponytail and sometimes even lounge pants? Yet, this image I was starting to portray online was very different. In a late night light bulb moment, I decided to start this blog. Maybe if I found a way to work on a few little things about myself; I could be more content with who I was, what I already had, and who I could become. I didn't really need to look good for other people. I needed to feel good for me. Maybe other women out there felt the same way. And wow! You did!
Something so simple as spending a few minutes each day actually fixing my hair rather than slicking it back with the closest baby head band did wonders for my daily outlook. I have spent the past year concentrating on little personal "fix-ups" with the weekly challenges.
As small and simple as they have been, I feel so much better about myself. A risque streak in the night gave us the giggles. We all found it difficult to recognize the good about ourselves, but we did. It was a good reminder. Good to know that after all of the wiping, cleaning, picking up, commanding, asking, begging, cooking, driving, rocking, reading, etc.; there is still a little room for recognition of myself, and the good that I possess. The good that you possess.
We will be moving in a few weeks to a new home. With this new home will come a new budget, which will be held tight for the next few months as we ensure that all bills are paid and more than Ramen is digested. (I am a strong believer in Ramen. Except for the shrimp flavor. Seriously, who eats that?)
Examining our finances, we decided to, (at least temporarily), cut the unnecessary. I gave contemplation to the idea of pulling my son from pre-school, but in the end gave-in to the fact that it might rank slightly higher in importance than my daily blogging fix. I'll still be posting here and there, (especially in the next few weeks), but challenges will be fewer and farther between.
I've never really introduced myself on here or shown pictures of much besides my fat rolls......so that will be coming too. If you have future challenge suggestions, or would like to "guest post" one, please share.
I've never experienced much of a long-distance relationship, but we'll see how it goes. Let's stay friends though, ok? Friends. Good friends. (name that show)

17 comments:

  1. Was the show FRIENDS...the last one?

    My husband eats the shrimp ramen. I know, I think he was dropped on his head at birth too. I can't even kiss him after!! :)

    Anyway i will totally guest post on here. Do you have the challenges planned ahead? you could just email me and I'll post it. Or whatever.

    I really love this site. It has really made ME a better person. I just wanna thank you for the time and effort you put into this blog.

    We are going to be good friends, no matter what...cuz I'm making you a quilt and that's like a forever bond! :)

    Seriously though I heart you. Thank you for the time you spend on us.

    I'll volunteer to help you keep it running into you can take it back. Whatever you need.

    I'm really excited about this new house for you though.

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  2. Wow! That was a novel and I even forgot to put my email so you can chat with me...

    Kritta22@hotmail.com

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  3. I heard about the house! Congrats! We are so excited for you and hope to see it soon! We will miss you online. Im willing to help also. Just let me know!

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  4. CONGRATS ON THE HOUSE, but honestly...life without internet??? Ooooh....that's a toughy! :) We will miss you here MUCH!!

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  5. Congrats on your house. I just discovered the Ponytail Challenge a few months ago, but you have really helped me have a different perspective and have made me realize that all those times I cleam my house just so I can take a picture for my blog really aren't worth it... :-)

    I'd be happy to guest post as well and could probably come up with a couple challenges given a couple of days to think about it.

    Love your blog and I wish you all the best!

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  6. Congratulations, Camille! You might be pleasantly surprised to discover that you can spend half an hour at the public library and stay in the loop with your e-friends. I love your blog, too; and I'm even more proud of your advice since I know we're related! You have a lot of wisdom to share, and I think you help us with the real issues we're dealing with. Colleen

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  7. I am so excited to hear that you are going to be moving and getting a new house. That sounds like fun. However, I will be so sad to miss your blog. It helps me to want to be better and take time for me. I hope things work out and you will be on again soon! Thank you for everything!

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  8. I will go through withdrawls! I'm so excited for your new house and the big move... but you still have to find a computer with internet hookup somewhere! At least once a week? Please? :)

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  9. I understand your decision, but I do hope you can still regularly post! Congratulations on the house though. You are being wise with your finances -- I'll just keep telling myself that each time I have a ponytail challenge withdrawal.

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  10. parting is such sweet sorrow, but we aren't really parting, so never mind.

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  11. I can't comment through the tears... I'll be back later.

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  12. WHAT?!? Are you really considering what is best for you, or for us -- the fans!!! : )

    I'll miss you, you're inspiring and so funny. We should do a challenge to actually post one of those pictures that isn't usually blog-worthy. Good luck on the move!

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  13. Well, I guess you will be talking to me on the phone more often. Oh, and in regards to the search. I have given in to the idea that it is a negative. I just can't imagine that the info I search isn't on the internet - if it isn't maybe it isn't what we thought it was. I hope that makes sense. Everyone else reading will be completely lost. Sorry.

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  14. You'll be missed!! You have a great way of putting into words the daily struggles we all face and it's great to know that I am not the only one struggling.

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  15. Hi Sis.

    Now how will I know whether to wear a ponytail?

    Z.

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  16. You will be very missed I love reading your blog :( Congrats on the new house

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