breaking up

A year ago, in the midst of 9th month heartburn, I spent late nights scouring the Internet, surfing the time away while my baby worked on her cardio kicks inside my womb. Night after sleep deprived night (my theory: nature's way of preparing a mother for the sleep loss that comes along with a newborn), in these late hours, I discovered blogs.
We hadn't had the Internet in our home for a few years in order to save the budget. People actually put their lives out there for the whole world to see?
Day after day, home with my children, I was in need of adult camaraderie and it was only a few clicks away in this new cyber world.
Then, the baby came and feedings ensued. Oh, the feedings! With a glowing screen beside me, I nursed the nights away with my daughter tucked in the crook of my arm.
At first, it was a big extended home town reunion on my computer screen. So and so had so many kids, lived in a big house, still was in school, started a business, traveled the world, took the cutest pictures of their kids in their beautiful and spotless homes.
Soon though, I noticed myself comparing my dirty kitchen to the beautiful, spotless countertops in backgrounds of pictures. The family blog I started could only have the 1 out of 1000 pictures that I felt worthy to be posted for the world.
How was it that I felt fully confident to go to the grocery store sans make-up, with ponytail and sometimes even lounge pants? Yet, this image I was starting to portray online was very different. In a late night light bulb moment, I decided to start this blog. Maybe if I found a way to work on a few little things about myself; I could be more content with who I was, what I already had, and who I could become. I didn't really need to look good for other people. I needed to feel good for me. Maybe other women out there felt the same way. And wow! You did!
Something so simple as spending a few minutes each day actually fixing my hair rather than slicking it back with the closest baby head band did wonders for my daily outlook. I have spent the past year concentrating on little personal "fix-ups" with the weekly challenges.
As small and simple as they have been, I feel so much better about myself. A risque streak in the night gave us the giggles. We all found it difficult to recognize the good about ourselves, but we did. It was a good reminder. Good to know that after all of the wiping, cleaning, picking up, commanding, asking, begging, cooking, driving, rocking, reading, etc.; there is still a little room for recognition of myself, and the good that I possess. The good that you possess.
We will be moving in a few weeks to a new home. With this new home will come a new budget, which will be held tight for the next few months as we ensure that all bills are paid and more than Ramen is digested. (I am a strong believer in Ramen. Except for the shrimp flavor. Seriously, who eats that?)
Examining our finances, we decided to, (at least temporarily), cut the unnecessary. I gave contemplation to the idea of pulling my son from pre-school, but in the end gave-in to the fact that it might rank slightly higher in importance than my daily blogging fix. I'll still be posting here and there, (especially in the next few weeks), but challenges will be fewer and farther between.
I've never really introduced myself on here or shown pictures of much besides my fat rolls......so that will be coming too. If you have future challenge suggestions, or would like to "guest post" one, please share.
I've never experienced much of a long-distance relationship, but we'll see how it goes. Let's stay friends though, ok? Friends. Good friends. (name that show)