In honor of the holiday:

Over the course of the next few days, we will all hear/see/read lots of sappy Mother's Day tributes. Now, I love the sappy stuff as much as any other mom. My 4-year-old couldn't help but give me my gift early: a mismatched necklace strung with the best foam beads that a pre-school teacher can buy.... and I LOVE it.
However, we must have a little humor too. No mother can get through motherhood without lots and lots of humor. SO, without further delay:

You might be a mother like me if:
(I do not confess to actually have experienced all items on this list....but maybe I have....but I won't tell.....some things are just between me and....um, me.)

Jumping on a trampoline or sneezing has very unforeseen consequences, known as leakage.

You know how fruit loops and fruit snacks change the color of poop.

Silence in your home is not necessarily a good thing, but a dangerous clue to kid catastrophe.

Sliding your hand along the back of a couch, pillow or bedding results in major boogerage. (Boogerage just became my new favorite made-up word. Boogerage- say it out loud. You will like it too.)

You know to never ever change a newborn diaper of a little boy without some sort of industrial strength shield.

Making dinner, cleaning house and nursing a baby can all be done at the same time with the motivation that company is coming over.

Cleaning a pacifier with your own spit is ok under emergency no-water circumstances- and some emergency laziness circumstances.

You know who: Max, Emmi, George, Wyatt, Cassie, Zach, Emily Elizabeth and, (my personal favorite) Wheezie are.

You can describe, (in great detail), the differences between chicken nuggets at McDonald's and Wendy's.

You have ever paid your child money to eat broccoli.

Despite not ever thinking it was possible for any good mother to forget her child, you have forgotten them at an undisclosed location.... such as church...just an idea of where someone might accidentally forget their 2-year-old was with them if they happened to ever forget them

You can make 4 different meals out of 1 meal's leftovers.

Changing out of PJ's, (for you or your child), is optional on days you are not going anywhere.

Your child thinks that you "work" on the computer for untold amounts of time, when really you are blogging, surfing the web, shopping, etc.

3 children can be crying at the top of their lungs all at the same time while you "hide" to make a quick phone call.

The phone company keeps you on hold long enough to let 3 crying children find you right as you are finally taken off of hold.

When feeding a child/baby, you open your mouth in synchronized motions with the spoon. You may have caught yourself doing these same synchronized motions when watching your husband eat his dinner.

When having adult conversations, you still use the words: gotta go potty, tummy, yum yum and owie.

Your "curse" words have become: Oh man! Darn! Shoot! Jimney Cricket! Yikes! And, if you are really mad: What the heck?!

You term age in months, not years.

Last, but not least....you have at least one child convinced that maybe, just maybe you really do have eyes in the back of your head.

Ok-then, now it is your turn. I think what makes this blog fun is all of your wonderful additions to my shabby posts. Please let us all know what makes you a "real mom." If you aren't a mom yet, just add your 2 cents about your own mother or mothering your pet.
My sister-in-law makes one mighty fine mother for one lucky mutt named Rocca.
A friend w/o kids can clean her nieces' puke well enough that she should hold seminars for elementary school janitors. Mothering is a group effort in many cases.

Anyhoo- Have a wonderful Mother's Day to all of you present and future mother's. I will be thinking of you all when I doll up for church Sunday with my best-new-necklace ever.


  1. "Looooove it!"

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  3. True motherhood really set in for me when I realized I have not only not been able to go to the bathroom by myself in over 4 years, but that I am capable of doing my business, breast feeding a baby, and washing a toddler's hair in the tub simultaneously! I'm not sure if that's sanitary, but I haven't found that much in motherhood to be! Happy Mother's Day to all!

  4. hmmm...

    you are viewed as a walking vending machine from birth until I don't know 5?

    When a 2 year old poops in the potty it is time for a celebration, singing, kisses and special treats...

    If you actually sleep thorough the night, you wake up in the morning in a panic something bad happened to your children.


  5. Okay--I'll be completely honest (can't believe I am admitting this...I mean, admitting that someone else actually did this!).

    You might be a mother if you put a nursing pad under your romantic pillar candle on the nightstand by your bed... :)

  6. You are a mother when:

    Your lunch consists of Mac 'n Cheese or peanut better sandwiches that were abandoned by your children.

    Your diaper bag could double as your 72 hour kit.

    Your minivan has become so much a part of the family that it has a name.

    You've ever reused a diaper when your baby was constipated.

    You hear yourself saying things like, "Please don't lick your brother's head."

    Just think ladies, these are the BEST years of our lives!!! Yea motherhood!

  7. You know your a mother when
    You go to a party and don't serve yourself a plate but wait until your kids are done and just eat theirs. Afterall, you don't want to waste anything.

    You eat ice cream after 9PM when all the kids are in bed because you just don't want to share tonight.

  8. You guys are so funny!

    I was once told by a very sweet lady, "You wear your motherhood on your sleeve."

    I thought that was so nice, like I had some sort of special mommy glow or something.

    Then I looked down and noticed all the food stains on my shirt sleeve. Gotta love it!

  9. lol..that is great, I love everyone's motherhood shares. I especially love alynn's comments. Funny stuff!

    You may be a mother like me when You realize Your kids get new clothes at least every 6 mo. to a year...and you're still trying to squeeze into those oldies but goodies from 1998.

  10. You Know You're A Mom When...

    * You count the number of sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they are equal.

    * You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.

    * You have time to shave only one leg at a time.

    * You hide in the bathroom to be alone.

    * Your child throws up and you catch it.

    * Someone else's kid throws up at a party and you keep eating.

    * You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.

    * You mastered the art of placing food on a plate without anything touching.

    * Your child insists that you read "Once upon a Potty" out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office and you do it.

    * You hire a baby sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then you spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.

    * You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.

    * You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.

    * You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.

    * You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then you obsess when he skips in without looking back.

    * You can't bear to give away baby clothes--it's so final.

    * You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes."

    * You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.

    * You read that the average-five-year old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is "above average."

    *Your feet stick to grape jelly on the kitchen floor..... and you don't care.

    *When the kids are fighting, you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding.

    *You can't find your cordless phone, so you ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket.

    *Your idea of a good day is making it through without a child leaking bodily fluids on you.

    *Popsicles become a food staple.

    *Your favorite television show is a cartoon.

    *You're willing to kiss your child's boo-boo, regardless of what body part it happens to be on.

    *You're so desperate for adult conversation that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU!

    *Spit is your number one cleaning agent.

    *You buy cereal with marshmallows in it.

    *You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons; but your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun anyway.

    *You're up each night until 11 PM vacuuming, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes,
    putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, NOT you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, rollerblading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet ... you still managed to gain 10 pounds

  11. These are all fantastic! So much better than what I came up with! Anonymous on the last comment- you said it all!

  12. you used to only sanitize the handle to your shopping cart, but now you end up sanitizing the WHOLE entire thing!

    when you are talking to someone you randomly start rocking back and forth

    you are obsessed with how many times someone poops and what it looks like

    it takes you a half an hour to get packed up to go to the post office

    you can't wait for 7:30 (bedtime)to come so you can finally watch your favorite show that you recorded a month ago =) but you need to do the dishes, laundry, mop the floor, pay the bills, basically everything the person above said...then ....crap....time for bed....maybe another day!

    you can't wait to see that smile or laugh that is waiting just for you in the morning! =)

  13. That totally made me laugh. I really liked the leakage one!

  14. Ok, I guess what makes me a real mom is that I have, on several occasions, had to just stick my hand in and grin and bear it as I tried to fish out of the bathwater a poop "shark". Gross, yes, but man, did that tub get the scouring of its life on those *cough* several occasions!