I have.

Thankful Monday

My mind is racing with thoughts tonight.
So many questions I am pondering.
It is one of those late nights where the idea of my head hitting the pillow is feared, for I know that my thoughts will consume me.

It all started on Friday. My little babe broke out in hives before my eyes after taking the kids swimming. Within minutes, her entire forehead was covered in blotches and her eyes had started to swell. Allergies run strong in our family and I was not willing to take chances with my 6-month-old. We were minutes away from the urgent care, and I rushed over- wet clothes and all.
Me: a mom in a panicked fear, a knowledge that my baby was probably fine, but the nagging "what- if."
The receptionist: calmly and slowly begins handing me form after form. Clickety-clacking away on her keyboard, she momentarily lifted her eyes from the screen to say, oh-so-nonchalantly, "We see babies with rashes all the time..."
This was not a rash. THIS was the potential for a serious problem. THIS was causing my eyes to brim with tears. Didn't she get it? THIS was a BIG DEAL to me. THIS was not ok and I was not ok and my baby was NOT OK. I was handing over some cash for my co-pay. I was paying for it to be a BIG DEAL to someone. Urgent care. Urgent. Didn't she get it? I thought we needed immediate help. I could fill out those forms later. My baby might or might not have had a throat swelling at that very moment. Finally, she understood that the real emergency was that this mamma was about to go ballistic even if the baby was likely fine. She quickly went and got someone to check my babe's oxygen levels, which were fine. The hives seemed to start disappearing as quickly as they came. It may have been luck. It may have not have been an allergic reaction at all. It may have been an answer to my silent pleading prayer. I don't know. I won't ever know, but I was thankful for what it wasn't. I was ridiculously thankful, but I kept letting myself think, "what if?"

Next up, Saturday night. It was my birthday & we took the kids to celebrate with some friends from out-of-town. After feasting on hot bread and pasta, we downed some Krispy Kremes and headed to the friends' hotel to let the kids swim. It was all fun and games until someone got hurt. There were 4 adults. 3 of us close to my 2-year-old, 3 of us who didn't see her step into the deep water. 3 of us who kept chatting while her chubby little feet found the bottom of the pool. It was my husband, the furthest away that noticed her little hands reaching for the surface of the water- literally inches away from me. She was fine. A major scare, but she was fine. I was RIGHT NEXT to her and didn't even see her go under. I didn't even realize she was by me. How did I not see her? What if......?
It became increasingly apparent to me this weekend how much divine help we receive in everything that we do. Not just the extreme situations, but ALL THE TIME. It really only takes a matter of moments for things to change. As I type, I am letting the tears stream, snot run and the lump in my throat grows with each sentence.

Sunday: nothing monumental occurred. A basic Sunday for our household. Church, naps, snacks all day long, and watching the Olympics. My husband and I seemed to both be on edge with each other. As I reflect, I think it probably has to do with the roller coaster of emotions we have felt this weekend and realizing how close we came to having it be a very non-basic Sunday for us. When we do have an argument, it is usually about the same things. I think this is typical for most couples. Today though was different. It was the same tension as always, the same topic. But, somehow, we both just let it go. Without saying anything, we both knew that today just wasn't the day for it.
But now, as my mind is racing, I reflect and realize, is there really ever a day for it? Can't I just let things go? He doesn't always think before he speaks. I over-analyze everything that he says. Can't I just leave it at that? Do I need to be so defensive all the time? There are 3 little someones so much more important than our petty bickering. Wouldn't it be just as easy to "let it go" and just have fun with the kids instead?

It is a good day for a Thankful Monday for me.

There are a few blogs I have discovered in the past few months of families who have experienced the recent loss of a small child. This weekend I became so close to becoming one of these mother's. It is so easy to take for granted what I have............ So easy to be annoyed with the tantrums instead of useing them as a chance to pick up my hysterical daughter and hold her close until she is ready to giggle again. How often do I exasperatedly nurse my babe yet once again in hopes that she will finally take a nap. Wouldn't it be just as easy to turn on some music and dance with her? I expect so much out of my oldest. I have high expectations for him and he gets "the look" all too often. Can't I just remember that he is only 4- and to let him be only 4?
I am so thankful today for these mother's blogs that I have read recently that have shared their loss, their pain, their strength, their joys. (I am requesting their permission to add links, and will add them here)
This weekend has been a TREMENDOUS reminder for me to hold dear to what I have and forget about what I "have not." I have a home. I have a family. I have a tender knowledge that my daughters were protected this weekend. I do not need to wonder "what if?," but "what now?" For me, this is a week to hug a little more, speak a little softer, snuggle a little longer, and forgive a little quicker. My tears have dried up now, and my soft pillow awaits.

What about you? What are you thankful for today that you might usually take for granted?


  1. I love your blog!
    Im thankful for my husband's job. I'm not working right now so we need his job. I'm thankful my husband has a job, even if he hates it.

  2. I am thankful today for clocks. Simple, but true. It is a long story, but I am late to everything and if it wasn't for my trust kitchen buzzer, I would have had a missed appointment and play date today.

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. I'm glad that everything worked out this weekend, a nice sincere post.

  5. I have to agree with Mary (the first comment). My husband recently got a full-time job, doing what he has gone through several years of school to do. We have been scrimping and pinching pennies and living as cheaply as we can because we had no income for many months. And now that he has this job, we'll still be living frugally because there are loans to be paid and other financial obligations. But I am so thankful that he has this job, and that he is doing something he loves.

  6. Great post Camille, I think we all need to step back and see all that we have been given instead of focusing on the negative. I am thankful for my family...my husband for sticking with the long grueling hours of graduate school and still trying to give his girls "dad time". To my girls for being patient with a stressed out dad in the midst of finals and a mom who is equally stressed out because dad is in finals and also trying to pack up a house to move back across the world.
    As for the other blogs you mentioned...I think I read one of them on a daily basis. (daily scoop?) I love her strength and faith. I am in awe at how she seems to be handling her life and the trials she has been faced with. It has definitely made me cherish my children more and to be more patient with them.

  7. I think every mom feels that way at sometime or another. We are entrusted with these little miracles from above and I would give my life for them. I also have to agree with Mary. My husband works so I can stay home (I worked for 6 years before I could). I love being home and spending these important times with my kids.

  8. Great post - really good timing.

    I'm greatful for a large number of things today. But mostly for feeling safe that no matter what, God has a plan for whatever chaos is happening in my life right now.

  9. Im a little late and a little weepy on this Thankful Monday. Im thankful for eternal families, for husbands that do everything that I can't at the moment, for trials that make us more of who we really are, for mothers that take time out of their lives to help with yours, with church members that go above and beyond serving, for a Heavenly Father who calms fears and prompts us when needed, for LOVE. Im thankful for friends who say the right things at the right times, for sisters who care, for knowing how short life really is and how fragile these bodies of ours really are.... so that we can honestly focus on what truly matters here in this life. Im thankful for this blog so that I can get all my tears, fears and laughter out with other grown women. Im thankful that I have been able to reflect on my life in the last little bit and put ALL things into prespective.

  10. I just read this post, so you might not even get my comment. I loved this post. I, too, had recently read some blogs of mothers who have lost their babies, and my heart goes out to them. And they are so strong and grow closer to Heavenlt Father because of it. I need reminders...daily reminders to be more patient with my 21 month old son. I am so thankful for him and my newborn son. They are blessings to us. I am also thankful for friends who respond to inspiration. We have been blessed by so many friends lately in giving us MAJOR things to help us. Thanks for this post...makes me want to post about all that I am grateful for too.