checkmate

The big birthday bash is coming up later tonight. Thank you for your great ideas. The party talk has got me to thinking though.

We are having a family party, not friends. My kids are the youngest of all the cousins. All of the wonderful ideas for tutus and dress-up and such just wouldn't work with the 8 to 14-year-old crowd.
The thought of little girls trying to bowl in fancy princess clothes is so adorably hilarious that I toyed with the idea of changing to a friend party instead- or simply inviting some friends along too.
Then,it hit me. My children do not have friends. I couldn't think of any friends to invite. Not a single one.
Sure, they know other kids. They see kids at church on Sunday. My son is back in pre-school. They are in a little gymnastics class at the local Y. But none of these others are friends.
We have never invited other kids over "just to play." I babysat a 4-year-old all day today. After she left, I asked my own if they had fun with her. Both gave a resounding "no."
I realized that I have spent so much effort into ensuring that my son and daughter view each other as their own best friend, that I have failed to allow them to have other friends. (I realize the brother/sister best friend gig will only last for so long, but I keep my fingers crossed.)
I called my son to me as I pondered on all of this. I asked him if he could have any friend over to play, who would it be?
His answer? My 13-year-old niece. I told him he needed to think of someone closer to his age. He then came up with another niece- several years older than him. Next, I said ok- no cousins. Who could we invite over to play next week? After a lot of thinking, he mentioned a boy from his pre school class last year. Last year!

What have I done? What should I do?

So much of how we as parents control our children is like a chess game. We move them along, prodding slowly forward, a few mishaps back, but always aiming to a final goal. The question: is the opponent the big scary world out there or is it myself? Is my sheltering of my most prized game pieces actually causing more harm than good?
I am quite sure that we are inviting someone over to play next week. And hopefully the next, and maybe the next after that. Now I just have to figure out who.